Do you 'do it' standing up or sitting down?

[L0NE W0LF]

I find this guy very funny:

STAND BACK, THIS MIGHT GET LOOSE

I learned something yesterday that I wish I hadn’t.

Some men sit down to pee.

Apparently, a lot of men sit down to pee.

And that stupefies me.

What makes it worse, they don’t mind talking about it. They defend it. They almost brag about it.

Un-freaking-believable.

In this space yesterday there was a column about the feminization of American men. In a reference to that, I mentioned that some men sit down to pee. It was metaphorical. It was the sort of jab men make at each other. If some guy makes reference to something he saw on Oprah you tell him he’s wearing a nice skirt or you ask if he sits down to pee.

It’s kind of based on the assumption that men, having penises and flies, stand up to pee.

It’s what separates us from “Pride and Prejudice” fans.

Anyway, I didn’t actually believe that any men really sat down to pee. Sure, maybe guys who’ve had some kind of prostate cancer or unfortunate bicycle accidents, or maybe really old guys, but not men. Not real men.

Then they started coming out of the woodwork.

Some posted comments on this web site. Others called the radio show. All squatters. They weren’t the least bit ashamed. They seemed oblivious to the fact that they are freaks.

Generally, they fell into three categories.

Those who sit to pee at night because somehow they can’t find the hole. Those who sit to pee because they fear they’d miss the hole otherwise and think squatting is considerate to their wives. Those who sit to pee so that they can read or drink their morning coffee.

Some even described sitting down to take their morning pee as some sort of relaxing ritual.

Repeating: They are all freaks.

Unfortunately, the Patriot Act does not allow these “men” to be rounded up and taken directly to Gitmo.

I even heard of one woman who insisted that all the men in her household sit down, so they wouldn’t miss and leave her a mess to clean up. She supposedly imposed this on her husband, sons and grandsons.

How she enforced it, or knew if it was violated, I don’t know. How three generations of men in one family could be so henpecked as to give up the free use of their penises is beyond me.

Let me tell you how things are supposed to be.

When it comes to urination, men stand and women squat. Except drunk women and camping women, who sometimes will experiment with standing, usually with wet socks being the result.

Men stand because they have specialized equipment called a tallywhacker. It is a telescoping device with a multi-directional capacity which greatly facilitates urination. Whereas women have to peel off layers of expensive Victoria’s Secret stuff to do their business, men just have to unzip their fly and deploy the space shuttle’s robotic arm.

It’s really a lot easier.

And it’s not that difficult.

It’s not a particularly significant feat of hand-eye coordination to make the little stream of you-know-what go where you want it to go. All those stories about writing your name in the snow are true. All these years of aiming at a urinal cake have paid off.

You doubt my word, throw a Cheerio in the toilet and watch the men line up to take a shot at it.

It’s sort of like when the firemen attack a burning house. They just grab hold of the hose and open up the nozzle. Then they hang on for dear life.

Usually, men don’t pee on the floor. If a guy misses the hole, it’s usually because he’s not paying attention. Most guys have even perfected the hit-the-side maneuver, to avoid the Niagara Falls sound effects being heard in adjoining rooms.

So these stories about guys sitting down so as not to make a mess that upsets their wives don’t make sense. How bad must the Parkinson’s be that you can’t hit the hole?

And these guys who worry about peeing in the dark, what kind of idiots are they? Sure, you stagger around when you get up in the night, but that’s why they made night lights. Besides, any urinater worth his salt knows that in the dark you bring your right shin against the toilet and aim at the 10 o’clock position of where you feel the shin touch the toilet.

Finally, anybody who’s got time to lounge around on the toilet reflecting on his most recent whiz is a double freak. It doesn’t take that long to take a leak. It just sort of comes out. If you’re a young man or you’ve been saving up a while, it comes out really quick. But either way, after about 30 seconds you’ve spent enough time to drain two or three bladders.

And there you are with your knickers down around your ankles like you’re the queen of England sitting on her throne.

This whole thing bothers me.

Because there are certain immutable truths in the universe. Fire is hot, water is wet, snow is white.

And men stand up to pee.

At least real men do.


This guy seems like he's very scared at the thought of sitting down and doing the numero uno because it would take away his manliness. What a machoist. I sit because it saves me cleaning time.

What do you guys do for numero uno?

http://www.lonsberry.com/writings.cfm

[LactosetheIntolerant]

I didn't peg you for the sitting type. I stand up, because it's faster and easier. the time I save not pulling my pants down easily adds up to more than the time it takes me to clean the floor every once in a while(I dont miss particularly often)

[Prezadent]

Do you 'do it' standing up or sitting down?

Yes

[Mechman]

I sit. When you have to clean your own bathroom, you sit.

[Walt]

I clean my own bathroom. And I stand.

[Murtle]

I clean my own bathroom. And I stand.

[Big Brother]

depends on the situation, but I probably split it 50/50

[Joben]

I am constantly amazed at the number of people who care about this subject.

Especialy those who go to the lenght of writing articles about it...

[Egg]

OMFG! I didn't think a single man in the world would sit voluntarily.
Seriously, only freaks sit.

[Joben]

...see like that. :P

[benkillin]

Shit, even if I miss I don't clean it up because it will evaporate eventually. It usually doesn't leave a stain if you drink enough water. The only time I sit is when I'm piss drunk and couldent hit a door with my head if I tried.

[Jedi Outcast]

I sit sometimes, only because usually i fart when i piss so it sort of drowns the sound and its also easier sometimes and more comfortable. although sometimes the fellow hits his head on the rim of the toilet seat which really freaks me out because i imagine its pretty dirty

[Prezadent]

I thought 'doing it' was a two person activity. So I have to say, i'm usually standing and shes usually sitting. :)

http://lynx.uio.no/jon/gif/misc/kili-golden-shower.gif

[booger]

Wow.... just, wow. I didn't think any guy would sit down to piss. Why on earth would you do that? Is your aim really that bad that you get the floor wet enough to worry about it? It takes so much less effort to just whip it out and drain, than to drop the pants and underpants and sit then stand when finished. And what do you do in public bathrooms? I try to avoid touching many of those filthy toilet seats with my bare ass as much as possible. Do you still sit to pee in those situations?

btw, I do clean my own bathroom (share chores with wife, sometimes I clean it, sometimes she does... usually it ends up being me though). A question for those of you men who pee sitting down, did your fathers run away while you were still young? Were you raised exclusively by your mother or something?

[Mechman]

Try pouring water into the toilet. Notice how some splashes out? That leaves stains, and can cause all kinds of hell. Bacteria, mold, mildew....

[booger]

Try pouring water into the toilet. Notice how some splashes out? That leaves stains, and can cause all kinds of hell. Bacteria, mold, mildew....We aren't talking about a thick dump of water, we're talking about a thin stream. Completely different fluid dynamics. A better example would be to try shooting a squirt gun from waist height. Or, better yet, try peeing standing up. Really, I don't see the mess that you seem to imply when I pee. Sure, a stray spash drop gets out every once in awhile. Not often enough to worry about though. And, when it does happen, a quick swipe with a piece of conveniently located toilet paper seems to take care of the mess easily.

Maybe I'd notice if I just let it build up for a year. I clean my bathroom regularly, whether it needs it or not. How long to you let your bathroom go between cleanings? Maybe that's the problem?

Edit: Oh, and I should add, pee drops don't cause bacteria or mold. They're sterile.

Edit again: Not that I'm advocating peeing on the floor. Just pointing out a factual inaccuracy.

Edit yet again: Not that I don't see where you're coming from though. Even the best aim can have mornings where a piece of lint or dried semen is stuck in his peehole and causes the dreaded "showerhead effect". Cleaning piss off the floor and walls is not a fun task.

[Mechman]

They're not sterile, they're high in several chemicals that can be both good and bad. Ammonia helps keep some bacteria from growing, but makes it a pain to clean up stains, since you cannot use any bleach. Cleaning up piss-stained tile is bad enough with the tough cleaners, let alone without.

[booger]

Not sterile, you say? I beg to differ. You show me one bacteria or mold that can grow in acidic, salty ammonia. (in case you're confused on the definition of 'sterile', it means that nothing can live in it... it doesn't have anything to do with 'bad chemicals') Also, the small amount of ammonia in a couple drops of piss shouldn't be a problem for a bleach solution. I don't think you'll get enough chlorine gas to even notice, much less do any damage. I clean my bathroom with bleach regularly, and have never noticed any problems. In any case, there ARE cleaners that don't contain bleach, if you're really that concerned.

This is a silly tangent anyway. If you don't want to pee standing up, then don't. I just have a hard time fully understanding the reasoning. Not that I really care to.

[Gimli]

I mostly stand up. The only times I sit is when it's really late and I don't want to wake anybody in the house and when I'm in a hurry and have morning stiffness. Though both are very rare, and I usually just wait until the stiffness goes away. :P

[Ed the MAD]

After my operation, i was sitting down to pee for two weeks. partially due to the drugs, partially due to the pee catheter that made it burn like all ****, and partially due to the difficulty in peeing that oly comes from it burning when you pee.

now i only sit down when i'm too tired to stand.

[ZEN]

Real men only stand to pee? What do they do to crap? Crap then stand up to finnish?
So wheres the real man guide book to take'n a crap?
I bet crapping in the woods is a real ordeal for real men then, they have no real clue what to do.

Standing is convienent but then so is sitting, real men make the correct call and follow through thoughs who insist on one way only find themselves makeing excuses for theyre mistakes and quite frankly "I was drunk" dont cut it.

I stand only for my right to decide at the right time the rest can...piss off.:)

[Discy]

I stand when I have to pee.

I sit when I have to shit and pee at the same time. Saves you some time, really.

[JohnN]

You stand, no questions!

Most guys have even perfected the hit-the-side maneuver, to avoid the Niagara Falls sound effects being heard in adjoining rooms. Yep, I sure have...
The problem is a night-time visit. You stagger out a bed half a sleep and, be honest, you really can't be sure which way the barrel is pointing. I tend to open slowly until you just hit the water. From then on it's legs straight and open up safe in the knowledge that the target is in sight.

:)

BR
JN

[Gimli]

I bet crapping in the woods is a real ordeal for real men then, they have no real clue what to do.
You could climb on a tree and do it from there. Kind of like a koala. :D

[iMMuNiTy]

In the morning, I sit.

[Deepblue]

I have only one question: Who gives a F***?

[L0NE W0LF]

:rofl:

This topic is so funnay. I stand in public restrooms cause all their crap is nasty, and sit in my bathroom. I have one of these 'big bowl' toilets which would give standers a better chance at landing a direct hit. But if I stand, I usually have a shower head effect since my pipe does get clogged and creates the 'dual stream'. An offshoot goes crazy, missing the bowl all together and then when it becomes 'single stream' it splashes everything since I am so tall and I still aim towards the back of the bowl.

:paranoid:

[Armern]

My god, I'm constantly amazed by what seriously interesting subjects you guys bring up :P.

I usually sit down because I like reading the tv guide in the toilet. When I'm not in the mood for waiting, I stand. When I'm in public places, I stand.

[Divx]

Only pee sitting when I shit. Makes for good reading time. A better question would be...do you pee in the shower!

[ZEN]

So basicly, the ideal pisser stands when it suits them, sits when theyre tiered, laying down when theyre drunk, hangs from gravity boots for erections and lays across the bowl like super man just for fun.


Anyone ever sit on the bare bowl in the middle of the nite?...yeeehaw.

[Sarge]

You could climb on a tree and do it from there. Kind of like a koala. :DOne of my older brothers and his friends did this (when they were kids, obviously), but instead of piss - they'd shit. It's a long story, but the gist of it is they got a kick out of seeing a steamer fall from ~20 feet high and splat on the rocks below. Yeah, that particular brother of mine is kind of a sicko.

Back on topic. I stand about 99.9% of the time. I admit that there are times when I get up in the middle of the night with an intense need to piss, and I'm too brain dead to even consider standing up. So I sit down. Yes, sometimes I even nod off for a couple seconds while sitting there.

edit. left out a couple of key words.

[Alien Slayer]

Real men only stand to pee? What do they do to crap? Crap then stand up to finnish?
So wheres the real man guide book to take'n a crap?
I bet crapping in the woods is a real ordeal for real men then, they have no real clue what to do.

Standing is convienent but then so is sitting, real men make the correct call and follow through thoughs who insist on one way only find themselves makeing excuses for theyre mistakes and quite frankly "I was drunk" dont cut it.

I stand only for my right to decide at the right time the rest can...piss off.:)

See, that is the first thing that crossed my mind when I read the first post. I was just waiting to see who would mention that first. I know when I got to go poop,
I am not going to stand first to pee. I sit and take care of the whole business at once. Now, if I have to only do no. 1, then I am a stander, unless I am on the phone and don't want the other end to hear me taking a leak.
Also, I am usually the one who cleans the toilet, since I am the one who is likely to make the most mess there.

But I don't see what the big deal is whether you sit or stand while peeing. That makes no real difference in being a man.

Being a real man is all about taking care of your responsibilities, taking care of your family, and being a beneficial part of the community, etc.
AS

[L0NE W0LF]

Being a real man is all about taking care of your responsibilities, taking care of your family, and being a beneficial part of the community, etc.
AS

Great point AS. But you do realize that there are individuals who want to become a famous netizen who is known for their views. I think we all want to become known for our views, and the internet is making that possible.

[Alien Slayer]

Yeah, nothing wrong with that. I am all for free speech, whether I agree with it or not, it is nice to know we can say what we think.
AS

[RichmanRush]

I lay on my back on the floor, and arc into the toilet.

[BurnHavoc]

When you live with 7 women you sit, or face the wrath of random sharp flying objects.

[Divx]

When you live with 7 women you sit, or face the wrath of random sharp flying objects.

Man if they're syncronized I feel very bad for you. Must be like a german blitzkrieg during that time of the month.

[L0NE W0LF]

Yeah, nothing wrong with that. I am all for free speech, whether I agree with it or not, it is nice to know we can say what we think.
AS

I didn't mean any antagonistic feelings towards you from my views about this method AS. But for this guy who thinks that sitting down is being wussy for guys, he's an idiot.

[Fiendian]

I always sit when peeing because of my bad vision.

[Lazzarus]

I have no idea why the hell you would sit to pee unless you have been injured, way too much work and if your aim is that bad with your best friend you should be ashamed and give it some practice. GAH!!!

[Joben]

I have no idea why the hell you would sit to pee ...way too much work...


I donno, sitting may win the lazyness award...
It takes like two seconds to drop your pants and sit, then you don't even have to pay attention for the entire rest of the operation...

[L0NE W0LF]

I find it very suprising that people think that sitting for #1 takes too much time and work. Odd, since you sit to do #2 is that a waste of time too? Sitting makes it more relaxing if you have to go really bad.

[Kinickie]

Umm... I sit, but then again, I'm a girl :P

Besides, any urinater worth his salt knows that in the dark you bring your right shin against the toilet and aim at the 10 o’clock position of where you feel the shin touch the toilet. Wow, leave it to a guy to turn a simple thing into a complex procedure ;)

When it comes to urination, men stand and women squat. Except drunk women and camping women, who sometimes will experiment with standing, usually with wet socks being the result. Not necessarily true. Any girl who's been camping a few times has perfected the art of not wetting her socks :)

But really, who cares? As long as you don't make a mess and you're comfy, do what you like.

[Murtle]

I find it very suprising that people think that sitting for #1 takes too much time and work. Odd, since you sit to do #2 is that a waste of time too? Sitting makes it more relaxing if you have to go really bad.

Sometimes it honestly is more work for me, because it hurts more due to my RA to sit and then stand again than to simply stand. Other times, it's less painful to sit.

But I always found it just as quick and brainless to stand.

[Archaeopteryx]

I only pee sitting down if im taking a crap during that session. If not, its just damn weak to ssit to pee ;) I wont say I never miss, but damn, not enought to make me sit every time.

Seriously, this probably comes from bad childhood potty training. (I am serious)

[Alien Slayer]

I didn't mean any antagonistic feelings towards you from my views about this method AS. But for this guy who thinks that sitting down is being wussy for guys, he's an idiot.
Aww I never take anything wrong you say LW.
AS

[EpShot]

I miss the most intersting topics when i'm gone.

Intersting actualy. because i used to always urinate whilst standing, unless of course i had to take a crap. But then about, i'd say a year ago, the lid to my toilet broke, and would not stay up. there for until i fixed it, i had to sit to pee. While i did this for a bout a month, then finaly fixed it. but would still sit out of habit, particuraly in the morning when i'm drozy. But then i would remember that i could stand. but realized it was actualy more work.

A couple reasons. one, i wear my pants fairly loose with a belt. I can actualy push them over my hips which out unbuckling, if i want to pee, i musst first unbuckle, then unbutton(and its not a snap) and then unzip, then i must whip it out, aim fire, correct for trajectory then compensate for deacceleration, drain, then reverse the process when i'm done.

when i sit, i jsut push my pants down, plop on seat, make sur eits dangling straight down (sometimes the skin catches, then is at a forward angle, and can hit the underside of the seat, which is geraly only an issue in the morning) and then let loose not paying attention. then properly drain, stand up, pull pants up, and done!

Much simpler. As far as urinating at night, i can do the entire process with my eyes closed(and often do, tho it will actauly be moring, but i keep them closed since i still have 3-4 hours of sleep and i don't want the light to wake me up.

i stilll use the urinals at work however.

[Discy]

I usually sit down because I like reading the tv guide in the toilet.
:rofl:

Exactly for me! Except I only read the tv guide in the toilet when I have to take a dump.:D

[the lone crouton]

LOL. I can't believe a man would ever sit to pee.

What's with all the, "it's easier in the dark!" excuses? That's why you've got a sink, usually conveniently located at wang-altitude; or, indeed, a back door and garden... :P

Do you guys also moisturise, accessorise, and carry about with you the latest in Prada handbags?

[Oswald]

I do it in every position. Hell, I peed sitting down -and- standing up this morning. It all depends on my attitude.

If I'm in a rush, I'll stand.
If I'm tired as hell and want to sit on my ass, I'll sit.

[Fiendian]

LOL. I can't believe a man would ever sit to pee.

What's with all the, "it's easier in the dark!" excuses? That's why you've got a sink, usually conveniently located at wang-altitude; or, indeed, a back door and garden... :P

I wouldn´t call it excuses, rather a neccesity if you have a wife and bad aiming in darkness.

[ZEN]

LOL. I can't believe a man would ever sit to pee.

What's with all the, "it's easier in the dark!" excuses? That's why you've got a sink, usually conveniently located at wang-altitude; or, indeed, a back door and garden... :P

Do you guys also moisturise, accessorise, and carry about with you the latest in Prada handbags?
Why yes...yes I do...whats a man to do after useing it for hanging a set of horse shoes?

[Smithboy]

Standing/Sitting for a toilet doesn't seem like a big concern for me. But when you have access to a urinel, do you go for the stall still? That definitely takes more time, plus you never know how dirty the seat, the door, and the flusher are.

[L0NE W0LF]

I sit in the middle of the night since I know where the damn thing is, the seat's already down, and I can still keep my mind sleepy without concentrating. You see, concentrating to aim for the bowl takes more mindpower therefore waking me up and pissing me off about being awake at 2am. Sitting allows for almost uninterrupted nappy time.

[ZEN]

well that explains why some people sleep with theyre socks on...

[L0NE W0LF]

I don't sleep with socks on ya meatball.

[ZEN]

Hey...did I say anything about yer yellow tennies and rusty zipper?:D

[Ra\/en]

Not sterile, you say? I beg to differ. You show me one bacteria or mold that can grow in acidic, salty ammonia. (in case you're confused on the definition of 'sterile', it means that nothing can live in it... it doesn't have anything to do with 'bad chemicals') Also, the small amount of ammonia in a couple drops of piss shouldn't be a problem for a bleach solution. I don't think you'll get enough chlorine gas to even notice, much less do any damage.

uh http://www.facilitiesnet.com/ms/article.asp?id=1916 lots of bacteria can grow in a "piss" medium.

http://www.bioconlabs.com/bacteval.html many bacteria are actually quite good at nitrifying ammonia....

oh, and NH4+ does not have any Cl2. so no, you would not get chlorine gas, because it has nothing to do with NH4+... i believe you may be thinking of HCl, or hydrochloric acid..

anyways, not to be an ass, but yeah, bacteria can grow where piss is.

[booger]

uh http://www.facilitiesnet.com/ms/article.asp?id=1916 lots of bacteria can grow in a "piss" medium.

http://www.bioconlabs.com/bacteval.html many bacteria are actually quite good at nitrifying ammonia....

oh, and NH4+ does not have any Cl2. so no, you would not get chlorine gas, because it has nothing to do with NH4+... i believe you may be thinking of HCl, or hydrochloric acid..

anyways, not to be an ass, but yeah, bacteria can grow where piss is.No, I'm thinking of bleach and ammonia. Although there isn't chlorine in amonia, it IS present in bleach. It's a common basement mad scientist experiment, making chlorine gas by mixing bleach and ammonia. I don't know how much ammonia is in piss, or how well it would work as an agent for making chlorine gas. However, it was stated earlier in the tread that it was a reason not to use bleach to clean piss up. If you need a reference to what happens when you mix bleach and ammonia, just google 'bleach ammonia'. As for your chemical jargon, I'm not familiar with the technical reasoning behind the process, or the chemical nomenclature. It's been over a decade since I took a chemistry class. Quick reference though: http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/classic/A795611

As far as the sterility of piss, my mistake. It's sterile when it comes out of your body, but that doesn't mean bacteria can't grow in it later. Still, how much more likely is bacteria to grow in piss relative to water?

[Flux Capacitor]

........then you don't even have to pay attention for the entire rest of the operation...

That's assuming one doesn't care about all the splashback that is now on one's ass instead of the toilet seat, floor and wall.

[L0NE W0LF]

That's assuming one doesn't care about all the splashback that is now on one's ass instead of the toilet seat, floor and wall.

That must be some powerful stream when sitting down to hit yer ass. Either that or your dongle hangs straight down when doing it.

[pompey]

Hmm interesting, standing up has got to be standard procedure, after a heavy night at uni i once pee-ed lying down. not advisable. but more manly than sitting down i'd say!

[Fiendian]

That must be some powerful stream when sitting down to hit yer ass. Either that or your dongle hangs straight down when doing it.

Lol, no male has the same power in his equipment. :P

[Discy]

Hmm interesting, standing up has got to be standard procedure, after a heavy night at uni i once pee-ed lying down. not advisable. but more manly than sitting down i'd say!
Why would you go and sit down or lie down if you are REALLY tired? It takes more energy getting up after yer business than just standing IMO.

[Fiendian]

Basicly, when you sit, you´re using autoaiming. :P

[Discy]

Basicly, when you sit, you´re using autoaiming. :PSitting, no aiming. > Standing, aiming.

Note that the > means THE AMOUNT OF ENERGY THAT GETS USED, FIENDAN!!!:P

I think getting up uses more energy than just holding and pointing your wang with 2 or three fingers.;)

[Fiendian]

Don´t forget to count the energy you use to carry your body weight with your feet.
But according to your post, you seem to prefer sitting. ;)

[ZDI]

Hahaha you are all pansy men. I piss upside down while doing a handstand! And I have time to eat a bowl of momma's soup while I'm doing it!

[Fiendian]

That´d be impressive it was true. :P

[ZDI]

Ohhhh it's on! I'm going to post pix!

[Deepblue]

No don't ;)

[dmgak]

well if you must know i pee both ways, i dont have a routine of when and why i do it like that, maybe if ive been lazing about on my computer all day, ill sit down because im used to it by then, if i do it in the night i sit down to avoid missing the bowl, (yes ZEN i have done that before... yeehaw :P) but any other time, i stand. o yeah and in the mornings i sit. but most of the time i sit because i think i need a crap and nothing comes out. then i just flick the magazine to see what im missing on tv.

[ZEN]

lol, thats about as candid as it gets.

[Fiendian]

Ohhhh it's on! I'm going to post pix!

Lol! That ain´t gonna happen, because what you said isn´t true and can´t be done. :P

[pompey]

Why would you go and sit down or lie down if you are REALLY tired? It takes more energy getting up after yer business than just standing IMO.

Need to clarify I didnt lie down out of choice, by heavy night I mean lots and lots of alcohol to drink and well if you pass out then it is surprising just what you loose control off!