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Old 09-17-2006, 12:59 AM   #1   Add To Ignore List  
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Default The Covenant - Movie Review

It suxxors. Seriously, don't even bother wasting your money to rent it when it comes out on DVD.

I was initially quite interested in the movie, after seeing the trailers. It looked like an action packed story about ancient families with supernatural abilities, caught in a special effects laced, high intensity battle. Nope. It spends more time on the 'romantic' interest storyline... made me want to puke. Wasn't even done that well, either. I'd call it softcore porn for pre-teens... but there wasn't even any nudity... just shots of the love interest running around in her underwear and nightclothes. Seriously, they dedicate almost half the movie to establishing shots of this girl... for no purpose whatsoever. I've come to expect this kind of crap from Hollywood... but it's waaaay overdone here. Especially for what I was led to believe was an action movie.

On the 'action'. Yes, there were a couple fight scenes, as well as a couple special effects scenes. Very few and far between, though. And short lived when they did happen. The single coolest scene in the movie is the one that you've already seen on all the trailers, where the car explodes and then reforms itself. Nothing else in the movie even comes close to that effect... the entire rest of the movie is ****ing lame.

The big end fight scene... uh... yeah. Pretty underwhelming. There are some things that you expect from action movies. One of these is that when the bad guy is defeated initially, and the hero thinks he's safe, the bad guy comes back with a vengeance and THEN the fight really kicks in. Basically, the fight should last more than one round. Nope. The hero gets a surge of power, kicks the bad guys ass with one hit... and that's it. The fight effects were passable... but not what they should have been.

Ugh... I feel dirty. I need to take a shower and wash away the bad movie. It clings to me like dumpster stink clings to transients.
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Old 09-17-2006, 01:18 AM   #2   Add To Ignore List  
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If theres anything that pisses me off about Holywood is that they don't push the limits to there special effects to a actualy good potential to where we can have battle and action sequences in a Serious Sam style over the top style fights, He need more of that done right.

That review inspires me to actualy make my own movies with intense action sequences.
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Old 09-17-2006, 01:21 AM   #3   Add To Ignore List  
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The film looked like an shitty spin-off of the already wildly shitty show 'Buffy - The Vampire Slayer'.
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Old 09-17-2006, 04:39 AM   #4   Add To Ignore List  
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Eh, I decided not to see it when I thought to make the joke of "Starring the Backstreet Boys!" while watching the trailer.
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Old 09-17-2006, 06:36 AM   #5   Add To Ignore List  
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it was made by the people who brought us underworld, and you expected less than crap? wow.
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Old 09-17-2006, 07:36 AM   #6   Add To Ignore List  
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Anyone seen The Wickerman remake yet? I've really wanted to see the original for ages and I finally saw it last night and it was shit. The first half of the film's like a softcore musical and it's spent establishing that it's a pagan island and the villagers aren't on the officers side. Then it gets good for a short while leading up to the ending which I'd heard was really good but just turns out to be a massive anti-climax (apart from a good twist,
the girl wasn't the sacrifice, he was and this was all a big trap
).

I was waiting for some cool escape sequence from the burning wickerman and I was thinking to myself, "with his plane out of action how's he gonna get off the island?" and then I noticed that the film ended in a couple of minutes, just enough time to roll the credits and then there was a bit of screaming and the credits rolled.
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Old 09-17-2006, 08:41 AM   #7   Add To Ignore List  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Twinnie
Anyone seen The Wickerman remake yet? I've really wanted to see the original for ages and I finally saw it last night and it was shit. The first half of the film's like a softcore musical and it's spent establishing that it's a pagan island and the villagers aren't on the officers side. Then it gets good for a short while leading up to the ending which I'd heard was really good but just turns out to be a massive anti-climax (apart from a good twist,
the girl wasn't the sacrifice, he was and this was all a big trap
).

I was waiting for some cool escape sequence from the burning wickerman and I was thinking to myself, "with his plane out of action how's he gonna get off the island?" and then I noticed that the film ended in a couple of minutes, just enough time to roll the credits and then there was a bit of screaming and the credits rolled.
I knew I recognized the title of that movie. I never saw the original but I had heard about it on one of those "Scariest movies ever" shows.
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Old 09-17-2006, 09:49 AM   #8   Add To Ignore List  
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@ Thee Goat Pig: The original was one of the finest pieces of British cinema to ever be committed to film- and the director's cut stands out as one of the most chilling, suspenseful and intellectual horror movies ever made (even though it doesn't have any jump/shock moments). Why Hollywood felt it had to rape one of our finest institutions- I DO NOT KNOW.

Watch the original if you can. There is a reason why it is the cult classic it remains today.
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Old 09-17-2006, 06:48 PM   #9   Add To Ignore List  
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I saw the new Wickerman a little while ago and loved it. I've never seen the original and don't really plan to.
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Old 09-18-2006, 06:07 PM   #10   Add To Ignore List  
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Re booger's comments: I'm not surprised, i didn't expect it to be watchable...
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