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Old 12-06-2002, 02:26 PM   #1   Add To Ignore List  
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Question Is Your Son a Computer Hacker?

Is Your Son a Computer Hacker?
By T Reginald Gibbons


1. Has your son asked you to change ISPs?

Most American families use trusted and responsible Internet Service Providers, such as AOL. These providers have a strict "No Hacking" policy, and take careful measures to ensure that your internet experience is enjoyable, educational and above all legal. If your child is becoming a hacker, one of his first steps will be to request a change to a more hacker friendly provider.

I would advise all parents to refuse this request. One of the reasons your son is interested in switching providers is to get away from AOL's child safety filter. This filter is vital to any parent who wants his son to enjoy the internet without the endangering him through exposure to "adult" content. It is best to stick with the protection AOL provides, rather than using a home-based solution. If your son is becoming a hacker, he will be able to circumvent any home-based measures with surprising ease, using information gleaned from various hacker sites.

2. Are you finding programs on your computer that you don't remember installing?

Your son will probably try to install some hacker software. He may attempt to conceal the presence of the software in some way, but you can usually find any new programs by reading through the programs listed under "Install/Remove Programs" in your control panel. Popular hacker software includes "Comet Cursor", "Bonzi Buddy" and "Flash".

The best option is to confront your son with the evidence, and force him to remove the offending programs. He will probably try to install the software again, but you will be able to tell that this is happening, if your machine offers to "download" one of the hacker applications. If this happens, it is time to give your son a stern talking to, and possibly consider punishing him with a grounding.

3. Has your child asked for new hardware?

Computer hackers are often limited by conventional computer hardware. They may request "faster" video cards, and larger hard drives, or even more memory. If your son starts requesting these devices, it is possible that he has a legitimate need. You can best ensure that you are buying legal, trustworthy hardware by only buying replacement parts from your computer's manufacturer.

If your son has requested a new "processor" from a company called "AMD", this is genuine cause for alarm. AMD is a third-world based company who make inferior, "knock-off" copies of American processor chips. They use child labor extensively in their third world sweatshops, and they deliberately disable the security features that American processor makers, such as Intel, use to prevent hacking. AMD chips are never sold in stores, and you will most likely be told that you have to order them from internet sites. Do not buy this chip! This is one request that you must refuse your son, if you are to have any hope of raising him well.

4. Does your child read hacking manuals?

If you pay close attention to your son's reading habits, as I do, you will be able to determine a great deal about his opinions and hobbies. Children are at their most impressionable in the teenage years. Any father who has had a seventeen year old daughter attempt to sneak out on a date wearing make up and perfume is well aware of the effect that improper influences can have on inexperienced minds.

There are, unfortunately, many hacking manuals available in bookshops today. A few titles to be on the lookout for are: "Snow Crash" and "Cryptonomicon" by Neal Stephenson; "Neuromancer" by William Gibson; "Programming with Perl" by Timothy O'Reilly; "Geeks" by Jon Katz; "The Hacker Crackdown" by Bruce Sterling; "Microserfs" by Douglas Coupland; "Hackers" by Steven Levy; and "The Cathedral and the Bazaar" by Eric S. Raymond.

If you find any of these hacking manuals in your child's possession, confiscate them immediately. You should also petition local booksellers to remove these titles from their shelves. You may meet with some resistance at first, but even booksellers have to bow to community pressure.

5. How much time does your child spend using the computer each day?

If your son spends more than thirty minutes each day on the computer, he may be using it to DOS other peoples sites. DOSing involves gaining access to the "command prompt" on other people's machines, and using it to tie up vital internet services. This can take up to eight hours. If your son is doing this, he is breaking the law, and you should stop him immediately. The safest policy is to limit your children's access to the computer to a maximum of forty-five minutes each day.

6. Does your son use Quake?

Quake is an online virtual reality used by hackers. It is a popular meeting place and training ground, where they discuss hacking and train in the use of various firearms. Many hackers develop anti-social tendencies due to the use of this virtual world, and it may cause erratic behaviour at home and at school.

If your son is using Quake, you should make hime understand that this is not acceptable to you. You should ensure all the firearms in your house are carefully locked away, and have trigger locks installed. You should also bring your concerns to the attention of his school.

7. Is your son becoming argumentative and surly in his social behaviour?

As a child enters the electronic world of hacking, he may become disaffected with the real world. He may lose the ability to control his actions, or judge the rightness or wrongness of a course of behaviour. This will manifest itself soonest in the way he treats others. Those whom he disagrees with will be met with scorn, bitterness, and even foul language. He may utter threats of violence of a real or electronic nature.

Even when confronted, your son will probably find it difficult to talk about this problem to you. He will probably claim that there is no problem, and that you are imagining things. He may tell you that it is you who has the problem, and you should "back off" and "stop smothering him." Do not allow yourself to be deceived. You are the only chance your son has, even if he doesn't understand the situation he is in. Keep trying to get through to him, no matter how much he retreats into himself.

8. Is your son obsessed with "Lunix"?

BSD, Lunix, Debian and Mandrake are all versions of an illegal hacker operation system, invented by a Soviet computer hacker named Linyos Torovoltos, before the Russians lost the Cold War. It is based on a program called "xenix", which was written by Microsoft for the US government. These programs are used by hackers to break into other people's computer systems to steal credit card numbers. They may also be used to break into people's stereos to steal their music, using the "mp3" program. Torovoltos is a notorious hacker, responsible for writing many hacker programs, such as "telnet", which is used by hackers to connect to machines on the internet without using a telephone.

Your son may try to install "lunix" on your hard drive. If he is careful, you may not notice its presence, however, lunix is a capricious beast, and if handled incorrectly, your son may damage your computer, and even break it completely by deleting Windows, at which point you will have to have your computer repaired by a professional.

If you see the word "LILO" during your windows startup (just after you turn the machine on), your son has installed lunix. In order to get rid of it, you will have to send your computer back to the manufacturer, and have them fit a new hard drive. Lunix is extremely dangerous software, and cannot be removed without destroying part of your hard disk surface.

9. Has your son radically changed his appearance?

If your son has undergone a sudden change in his style of dress, you may have a hacker on your hands. Hackers tend to dress in bright, day-glo colors. They may wear baggy pants, bright colored shirts and spiky hair dyed in bright colors to match their clothes. They may take to carrying "glow-sticks" and some wear pacifiers around their necks. (I have no idea why they do this) There are many such hackers in schools today, and your son may have started to associate with them. If you notice that your son's group of friends includes people dressed like this, it is time to think about a severe curfew, to protect him from dangerous influences.

10. Is your son struggling academically?

If your son is failing courses in school, or performing poorly on sports teams, he may be involved in a hacking group, such as the infamous "Otaku" hacker association. Excessive time spent on the computer, communicating with his fellow hackers may cause temporary damage to the eyes and brain, from the electromagnetic radiation. This will cause his marks to slip dramatically, particularly in difficult subjects such as Math, and Chemistry. In extreme cases, over-exposure to computer radiation can cause schizophrenia, meningitis and other psychological diseases. Also, the reduction in exercise may cause him to lose muscle mass, and even to start gaining weight. For the sake of your child's mental and physical health, you must put a stop to his hacking, and limit his computer time drastically.

I encourage all parents to read through this guide carefully. Your child's future may depend upon it. Hacking is an illegal and dangerous activity, that may land your child in prison, and tear your family apart. It cannot be taken too seriously.
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Old 12-06-2002, 02:35 PM   #2   Add To Ignore List  
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i read that a long time ago. funny.
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Old 12-06-2002, 02:41 PM   #3   Add To Ignore List  
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That's pretty good. I honestly couldn't tell it was a hoax, though I had an inkling, until I got to the part about AMD.
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Old 12-06-2002, 03:10 PM   #4   Add To Ignore List  
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LOL
First thought "how can such rubbish exist?", then when got to the AMD part I ed but still - "maybe is an AMD hater". But "online virtual reality used by hackers"...
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Old 12-06-2002, 03:33 PM   #5   Add To Ignore List  
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Posted before, but damn funny nonetheless. The scary thing is, there just might be people in this world retarded enough to actually write that for genuine . . . please say I'm wrong?
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Old 12-06-2002, 04:17 PM   #6   Add To Ignore List  
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LOL I didnt get this one at first but its realy funny.
took me a min to work out the relationship between Denial of Service and a command prompt.

Quote:
If your son spends more than thirty minutes each day on the computer, he may be using it to DOS other peoples sites. DOSing involves gaining access to the "command prompt" on other people's machines, and using it to tie up vital internet services. This can take up to eight hours. If your son is doing this, he is breaking the law, and you should stop him immediately. The safest policy is to limit your children's access to the computer to a maximum of forty-five minutes each day.
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Old 12-06-2002, 04:23 PM   #7   Add To Ignore List  
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Im going to hack your stereo with Bonzi Buddy and steal your music.
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Old 12-06-2002, 04:27 PM   #8   Add To Ignore List  
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Quote:
Originally posted by Fluff Daddy
Im going to hack your stereo with Bonzi Buddy and steal your music.
oh yeah?...im gona get teh NES 8bit out and tap yer phone just as soon as a find my old dirty cothes slap my cat stupid and find the illegal cartrares i made..
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Old 12-06-2002, 04:43 PM   #9   Add To Ignore List  
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omg, i never laughed so hard at anything... cause i do pretty much everything there! lmao... thank god it was fake tho.
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Old 12-06-2002, 05:21 PM   #10   Add To Ignore List  
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lunix...
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Old 12-06-2002, 05:54 PM   #11   Add To Ignore List  
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jedi Outcast
lunix...
which was invented by Microsoft and then modified by The Soviets...after they lost the cold war...
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Old 12-06-2002, 06:36 PM   #12   Add To Ignore List  
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Bonzi buddy, man that sure is some great hacker software.
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Old 12-06-2002, 06:39 PM   #13   Add To Ignore List  
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Adequacy.com sucks donkey scrotum. Thank god that waste of bandwidth has been stricken from the internet.
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Old 12-06-2002, 08:03 PM   #14   Add To Ignore List  
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I'm surprised there was no mention of the evils of IRC.
Which of course stands for International Radical Communists.
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Old 12-06-2002, 08:13 PM   #15   Add To Ignore List  
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Old 12-06-2002, 09:50 PM   #16   Add To Ignore List  
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LOL!
Notise how he spelt Linus Torvalds, and Linux.
Opps i pissed my pants, sooo dam funny!

edit:
This guy must be banned from the net.
He is simply denying my mind from having a bit of fun (fragging) or exploring new oses (Linux), which i have used.
Also the book neuromancer is about cybernetics, not hacking u fool! Although i havent read the book ive read some reviews about it. Seems good.

Last edited by Icarus; 12-06-2002 at 09:55 PM.
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Old 12-06-2002, 11:56 PM   #17   Add To Ignore List  
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Ahh thats old, planetquake (ewww. GSI) posted that almost a year ago. Still a very funny read. never gets old.
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Old 12-07-2002, 12:11 AM   #18   Add To Ignore List  
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Quote:
Originally posted by darkstar
Bonzi buddy, man that sure is some great hacker software.
Heh heh, I thought that was one of the funniest parts too.
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Old 12-07-2002, 02:26 AM   #19   Add To Ignore List  
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Quote:
Originally posted by Icarus
LOL!
Notise how he spelt Linus Torvalds, and Linux.
Opps i pissed my pants, sooo dam funny!

edit:
This guy must be banned from the net.
He is simply denying my mind from having a bit of fun (fragging) or exploring new oses (Linux), which i have used.
Also the book neuromancer is about cybernetics, not hacking u fool! Although i havent read the book ive read some reviews about it. Seems good.
*cough* its a joke dude *cough*

Yeh but dont you knwo all cyborgs are hackers? huh didnt you? think of System Shock, Deus Ex, ...
[Shodan] Look at you Hacker, a pathetic creature of meat and bone panting and sweating and you run though my corridors. How can you challenge a perfect immortal machine?
[/Shodan]
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Old 12-07-2002, 06:17 PM   #20   Add To Ignore List  
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passifiers, lol...
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Old 12-10-2002, 12:44 PM   #21   Add To Ignore List  
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This is the first time I have read this story, and it sure is gooood!!!

You need to have good knowledge to present such a parody..... or a retarded mind!!! (I think the later is the correct here)

AMD.....
Linux

My laugh of the day.....
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Old 03-09-2003, 05:13 AM   #22   Add To Ignore List  
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hack an email address
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Old 03-09-2003, 06:53 AM   #23   Add To Ignore List  
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so, according to this, i'd be a hacker cos i wear clothes like this and my hear is like this too.....


*cough* i've never hacked in my life
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Old 03-09-2003, 06:56 AM   #24   Add To Ignore List  
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Default Re: Is Your Son a Computer Hacker?

Quote:
I encourage all parents to read through this guide carefully. Your child's future may depend upon it. Hacking is an illegal and dangerous activity, that may land your child in prison, and tear your family apart. It cannot be taken too seriously.
heh... here is what it means to say:
Quote:
I encourage all parents to read through this guide carefully. Your child's future may depend upon it. Hacking is an illegal and dangerous activity, that may land your child in prison where they will have their asshole torn to shreds by 'Bubbah', seriously.

oswald
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Old 03-09-2003, 01:29 PM   #25   Add To Ignore List  
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Oh my god! I asked for a faster computer! HELP!



Apart from rule 4) (barely), this is a huge pile of absurd paranoïa!
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Old 03-09-2003, 02:43 PM   #26   Add To Ignore List  
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Good parody, but a number of persons are retarded enough to take it for real
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Old 03-09-2003, 04:14 PM   #27   Add To Ignore List  
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Quote:
Originally posted by ZEN
oh yeah?...im gona get teh NES 8bit out and tap yer phone just as soon as a find my old dirty cothes slap my cat stupid and find the illegal cartrares i made..
I'm going to telnet your microwave, and I have Linus Torovolvos to h4x0r you in DOS
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Old 03-10-2003, 10:26 AM   #28   Add To Ignore List  
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Quote:
Originally posted by 001
I'm going to telnet your microwave, and I have Linus Torovolvos to h4x0r you in DOS


pffffffffff....get in line
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Old 03-10-2003, 02:27 PM   #29   Add To Ignore List  
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I remember visiting this article when it was actually on some parenting website. There was several hundred comments by people laughing at this moron, and the author wrote "this article about hackers is under attack by hackers" or something to that effect. t'was funneh
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Old 03-10-2003, 05:25 PM   #30   Add To Ignore List  
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Hahahahahaha!

I thought making comments was a legal possibility accessible by simple authorised means!

Am I hacking into the forums by posting this?
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