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Old 12-03-2011, 06:09 AM   #1   Add To Ignore List  
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Cool Brute reviews Serious Sam 3

I haven't beaten the whole thing yet, but- whoa hey look: my name's in the title! This review will be very important and it will be more insightful than other reviews because I'm more important and insightful than other people.

First of all, I never play this game without one hand on my junk. This is to make it slightly more sexual than it already is. You play as Mr. Serious who is a very arousing man. More then his physique, his sexual attractiveness derives from his ability to hold, carry and shoot an abundance of exotic/erotic weaponry, primarily consisting of guns.

The game begins where you pick up a wooden phallic thing with a nut on the end, but it's not long before you collect your first gun. It's an IMI Desert Eagle .50 AE with 7-round clip amazing Smith and Wesson with magical 10-round magazine. This gun will provide substantial foreplay (along with shotguns), until you reach the HK 416 with a 30-round STANAG MAG magical 50 round magazine.

You've probably been killed 500 zillion times by now because you suck, but if you're an ace gamer you might make it far enough to collect explosive weapons kill other players with C4! There's even an explosive shotgun that explodes upon impact, as the name implies pierces through multiple enemies. Don't get too excited, though as it's limited by short range it's got a scope and is the most effective killer of long-range targets in the game!

There are even some old classics that return, like the sniper rifle and lasergun which you'll have a blast using never find enough ammo for. You can also be a land pirate and shoot a cannon, which is cool.

If you want, you can even shoop da woop with the advanced willy laser-lasso, the Sirian Mutilator! It's even gold, so you look like a pimp with bling! Even Sam's hands are adept at beating down foes reloading his awesome, sexy guns!

This game is a must-have. If you do not have it, you are not cool, and should go cry alone in your mom's closet. But if you're HARDcore, like me, then you will climax and BUY THIS GAME!

Graphics: The guns look good.
Sound: The guns sound good.
Gameplay: The guns shoot good.
Presentation: The guns feel good.
Overall: 1000000/10
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Last edited by Brute; 12-04-2011 at 06:59 PM.
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Old 12-03-2011, 06:55 AM   #2   Add To Ignore List  
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Default Re: Brute reviews Serious Sam 3

This review is top notch and should be shown to all those who wish to play Sam. >_>
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Old 12-03-2011, 08:25 AM   #3   Add To Ignore List  
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Exclamation Discy reviews "Brute reviews Serious Sam 3" - by Discy (Discy approved)

You forgot to make mention of the fact that you're nine times world champion shooting shotguns (2007-2009), shooting rifles (2008-2010) and shooting handguns (2009-current). This just to say that you do have a fair idea of what you're talking about.


Also note my post title.
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Old 12-03-2011, 12:57 PM   #4   Add To Ignore List  
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Default Re: Brute reviews Serious Sam 3

approved
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Old 12-04-2011, 05:45 PM   #5   Add To Ignore List  
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Default Re: Brute reviews Serious Sam 3

Quote:
Graphics: The guns look good.
Sound: The guns sound good.
Gameplay: The guns shoot good.
Presentation: The guns feel good.
Overall: 1000000/10
I laughted so hard !

Anyway, this is what I call a perfect review

Eclipse.
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Old 12-04-2011, 06:57 PM   #6   Add To Ignore List  
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Default lololol

Quote:
Originally Posted by Discy View Post
You forgot to make mention of the fact that you're nine times world champion shooting shotguns (2007-2009), shooting rifles (2008-2010) and shooting handguns (2009-current). This just to say that you do have a fair idea of what you're talking about.


Also note my post title.
Yes, but what are your qualifications for reviewing my review other than you being you?
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Old 12-05-2011, 05:17 AM   #7   Add To Ignore List  
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Default Commander Shepard.

I'm Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite review on the citadel.
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Old 12-05-2011, 06:34 AM   #8   Add To Ignore List  
 
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Default DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

I'm Doom and you can kiss my ammo belt.

Impressive Review
http://i130.photobucket.com/albums/p253/Palantas/Internet/Forums/Confused%20Matthew/QuakeIII-Impressive.jpg

Last edited by Targ3t; 12-05-2011 at 06:39 AM.
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Old 12-05-2011, 06:46 AM   #9   Add To Ignore List  
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Default Re: Brute reviews Serious Sam 3

I ain't gonna Quake.
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Old 12-05-2011, 09:50 AM   #10   Add To Ignore List  
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Default Re: lololol

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brute View Post
Yes, but what are your qualifications for reviewing my review other than you being you?
As a Gerüstbaufirmenvorarbeiterschlüsselanhängerfarbenwasserlöslichkeitskontrollchemiker I have review reviewing authority.
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Old 12-05-2011, 01:16 PM   #11   Add To Ignore List  
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Default Re: lololol

Quote:
Originally Posted by Discy View Post
As a Gerüstbaufirmenvorarbeiterschlüsselanhängerfarbenwasserlöslichkeitskontrollchemiker I have review reviewing authority.
Oh, O.K.
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Old 12-05-2011, 02:38 PM   #12   Add To Ignore List  
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Default Re: Brute reviews Serious Sam 3

Discy can do everything, except connect stuff.
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Old 12-06-2011, 12:24 AM   #13   Add To Ignore List  
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Default Re: DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Target-UnPe View Post
Impressive Review
http://i130.photobucket.com/albums/p253/Palantas/Internet/Forums/Confused%20Matthew/QuakeIII-Impressive.jpg
I had always suspected you railed Brute twice, but now I know for sure. Get an arena, you two.
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Old 12-06-2011, 12:35 AM   #14   Add To Ignore List  
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Default Re: DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ECM View Post
I had always suspected you railed Brute twice, but now I know for sure. Get an arena, you two.
For those of us that don't spend our days familiarizing ourselves with Doom/Quake puns, care to rephrase that?
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Old 12-06-2011, 12:40 AM   #15   Add To Ignore List  
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Default Re: DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

Wow, you need to get out less. Try here and proceed to urban dictionary.
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Old 12-06-2011, 01:48 AM   #16   Add To Ignore List  
 
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Default Re: DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ECM View Post
Wow, you need to get out less. Try here and proceed to urban dictionary.
Hmm they forgot perfect and frags.
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Old 12-06-2011, 09:03 AM   #17   Add To Ignore List  
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Default Re: Brute reviews Serious Sam 3

Quote:
You can also be a land pirate and shoot a cannon, which is cool.
That was good!

However, I'm not sure if it's as insighful as you present it.
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Old 12-07-2011, 05:39 AM   #18   Add To Ignore List  
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Default Re: Brute reviews Serious Sam 3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Warmonger View Post
I'm not sure if it's as insighful as you present it.
Of course it is.
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